if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
