I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
