She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
