Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
