I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
