It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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