at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
