Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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