When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just invented taco cereal.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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