I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
