Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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