I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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