I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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