You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
