How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
