Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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