your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
