he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
