Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
