Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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