went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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