6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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