That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
