My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
