I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
