Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
