bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
