she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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