after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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