Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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