When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
