I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
