her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
