Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
