He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
