I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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