Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
