I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
