I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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