New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Panties = found
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
