you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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