Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
