there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
