Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
