he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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