this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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