Did you just see the Batmobile???
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
