i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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