Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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