Moan for me like Helen Keller
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
