I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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